Life is Wonderfully Unpredictable

Look at that GORGEOUS sunrise!! Gorgeous. It literally took my breath away. I got up all early this morning, and watched the sunrise from Paul’s gym as I worked out to the magic of My 600 Pound Life.

Little did I know, I’d get my first official death threat today. It’s just a special reminder that life is wonderfully unpredictable.

So there I was, driving up to Salt Lake to visit my BFF Rachael (which was a blast, we like to hang out for hours at Barnes and Noble, because Barnes and Noble makes everything better—it is heaven on Earth, don’t you know), when I encountered a person on the highway going 60, which was, quite simply, slower than what I wanted to go. So I passed her.

Now, I hope most of you know that getting passed is nothing to take personally. But, she didn’t seem to know this, and apparently, I offended her, her children and all of her ancestors. She got *right* up on my tail. She backed off a little after a while, but not much.

THEN, I got caught behind another slower person, and once again, she was right on my bumper. Like, RIGHT on my bumper. If I’d had to seriously hit my breaks, she would’ve hit me.

This was giving me some anxiety. And made me mad. She was SO ridiculously close! Who was this lady? It was just so dangerous and rude. So… I lost my temper… and I slammed on my breaks. Just a warning slam! To get her to back off. And sure enough, she had to swerve, because she was so dang close. I waved at her to BACK OFF! Not a finger, nothing vulgar, just… BACK OFF!

Well… let me tell ya… that was a mistake.

Next thing I know, we’re on a short straightaway with double yellow lines, and this lady comes up beside me, driving in the lane of oncoming traffic, and starts SCREAMING at me (as if I can hear her) and pointing an angry finger in my direction. In the distance, I see an oncoming car and I gesture with a wave for her to pass me and shout, “GO!” and slow down my car. She finally goes around me and starts riding the tail of the slow guy in front of me.

We stop at the Highway 89 junction and, what to my surprise—this 40-something-year-old lady gets out of her car and comes up to my window. In my head, I say, “Oh boy, here we go,” and roll it down (I’ve since learned that you never roll down your window in these situations). She yells, “What is your problem?”

I say, “Dude, you were *right* on my bumper—“

“So? Big f—ing deal!”

“It *is* a big deal! Because—“ and I was about to explain car accidents to her, but then she leaned inside my window and started screaming at me with her finger in my face, “YOU DON’T WAVE YOUR FINGER AT PEOPLE!”

“I *didn’t* wave my finger at you,” I try to explain, “I was—“

She was inches from my face now. “YOU DON’T WAVE YOUR FINGER AT PEOPLE OR THEY WILL F— YOU UP!”

I say more firmly, “I DIDN’T—“

“I WILL F— YOU UP!”

I was feeling like I was on The View.

She leaps away from my car, “GET OUT OF MY FACE!”

I throw up my hands, “*You’re* the one in *my* face!” I was now feeling like I was in grade school.

She points at me as she walks away, “I WILL KILL YOU!”

“Oh, okay!”

“GO F— YOURSELF, LADY!”

“FINE!” And as she opens her door, I shout something that suggests I would be good with that, though less loudly because I didn’t want to start something else (I just couldn’t resist). There’s a chance she thought I said, “Have a good day!”

And that is the story of my first official death threat. Hey, you can’t say you’ve lived a full life unless you get a death threat at some point, am I right?

Oddly enough, I feel grateful for this experience. I’ve been bullied so much of my life, being able to keep my head and stand my ground—FINALLY, in the year 2020 and at the ripe old age of 33—it kinda felt like I was standing up to all the rest of them, all at once. I was put to the test, and I was blessed and didn’t cower, I stood my ground, and laughed a good portion of the rest of my drive because the whole thing was so ridiculous… I was happy to see that I’ve grown stronger through my experiences.

So, the moral of this story is, stand your ground—and, also, if someone is following you too closely, maybe it’s best if you just pull over and let them pass. Because people are crazy, and you just never know what that normal-looking person behind you is capable of.