“This is really great. You should enjoy it.”

Today, I had a gut feeling to pick up Art Matters by Neil Gaiman and flip through the dog-eared pages, and when I read this, it hit me in the face like a pillowcase full of doorknobs.

I am a worrier. If worrying were an art form, I would be Leonardo DaVinci. Worry has mastered my life so much so that it is adversely affecting my health. I had once lost 30 pounds, but after a few short months of worrying, I’ve gained every last ounce back. I told myself, “Once I get this draft of my book finished, I’ll stop worrying.” Then I thought, “Once I hear back from the publisher, I’ll stop worrying.” I got wonderful news from the publisher. I signed a contract. And now, I have a whole *new* list of worries. And on top of this, I’m worried about my kids. All the time. There doesn’t need to be anything wrong for me to worry about them, I just do it because I’m their mom and I want them to be happy, and it’s my job to worry about every possible thing that can go wrong. There is simply no end to it all. When worrying is an art form, you find threads in every little corner wherewith to weave your tapestry.

Then I read this quote. And I thought, “What am I doing?” You know what I’m doing? I’m letting my fears suck all the joy out of my life.

I thought of that quote from The Office spoken by Andy at the end of the series, “I wish there was a way to know you were in the good old days before you actually left them.”

And it hit me—these *are* my good old days. This summer… it’s a highlight of my life. There are storms ahead. There always are. I don’t want to hit them and lament that I didn’t enjoy the sunlight while I had it.

There are times where we need to check ourselves, to look at the burdens of worries we carry on our backs and ask if some might be tossed aside—to ask if it’s actually raining or if we’re standing under a waterfall, because if we are, we can step away. It takes work and sacrifice to do it, but we really can’t afford *not* to. The good old days are at stake!

So I’m going to meditate. To run. To do whatever it takes to enjoy the sunshine of the good old days while I’m in them. Please, please, do whatever it takes to enjoy the sunshine.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s