So, two Thursdays ago, I went with my gorgeous mom and several wonderful ladies to the Payson Temple (LOVE that beautiful building!!). I’m so grateful I was able to go with her! It was so awesome being able to spend the afternoon together.
Man, I was so tired, and my sweet, little Ollie really didn’t want me to go, so I almost didn’t. But I dragged myself out of bed, went for a run, cleaned myself up, and threw on a dress, and my mom picked me up.
When the temple session started, I felt so at peace and relaxed, that—I’ll admit—I was really struggling to pay attention. I wanted to, though. And I was trying so hard to open up my heart to the beautiful Spirit there. I needed that peace, that guidance. But I was so exhausted that—and I don’t know if this has happened to anybody else, but—it was like I was floating, like an almost an out-of-body sensation level of exhaustion.
The struggle was real, man.
And at one point, I just broke down. I started praying in my heart, “I’m so sorry…. I’m trying so hard, but I am so tired. And I’m so tired of trying to be strong. I’m just exhausted.” And as I said all of this in my mind, it was like I was shedding layers and layers of spiritual weight, letting go of how I thought I should be.
And right at that moment, these words from a talk by Russell M. Nelson popped into my mind, “Here is a place for people to rest on their temple journey.”
I felt this soul-deep, and I started sobbing. For that moment, all the weight I had been carrying—I felt it lift from my shoulders, left at my Savior’s feet. There was no feeling of judgement, no feeling of “get over it.” Instead, I felt like I had been heard, and that I was perfectly understood and loved. It was this perfect peace that let me know that I was not alone, that acknowledged what I was feeling, and said, “here is a place where you can rest.”
And it was weird. After that good cry there in the temple, I felt refreshed and renewed, like I’d had a good night’s sleep for once. It was nothing short of a miracle.
And I thought to myself, I definitely need to come to the temple more often.