Whew! I made it. That was a close one. 15 years, and I’m still here.

So, on October 25, Paul and I ran the Haunted Half Marathon. Confession: I did not train for it.

Last time I ran this, the beginning was all downhill. It was nice, because it really helped you build momentum. I assumed this time would be the same route, so I didn’t check the map.

I shoulda checked the map.

On mile 2, there was a crazy-ass steep hill, and I somehow cracked my foot running it. I don’t know how I did it. Just all the sudden, my foot hurt real bad.

I shoulda checked the map.

We quickly fell behind. Bless Paul for staying with me because I was really, really, really struggling. But out of sheer grit, rage, and determination—so help me, I WAS GOING TO CROSS THAT FINISH LINE.

And I did. I ran 11-ish miles on a cracked foot.

I was so happy.

A song came on as I was running—Champion by Fall Out Boy. I’d forgotten it was on my running playlist. But I started listening to it over and over and over, purely for these words: “If I can live through this, I can do anything.”

I wasn’t thinking about the run. Even as I was running, I wasn’t thinking about the run. My determination had little to do with the actual finish line. To me, it was all symbolic. Because this year has been AWFUL. And at one point, I almost didn’t make it. It was a miracle I did.

Sometimes, it takes pure grit to keep moving forward. And I am so glad I did. It’s been completely worth it.

That’s the thing. It’s always worth it.

Pain comes and goes in heavy waves—especially if you have severe trauma. I almost drowned in a wave of pain.

I didn’t know that on the other side of that, my feet would find the shore. I would begin to finally, actually HEAL—because I had to face demons that I kept pretending weren’t there, and finally realize they’ve been in the way of me living a full life. The more I tried to ignore them, the louder they got. In finally acknowledging them, I could finally heal them.

Now, this 13th, I woke up somehow feeling happier and lighter than I have in… ever? Maybe? Weird. It’s such a new feeling for me, I don’t know what to do with it.

Please keep going. It’s always worth it. ALWAYS.

📚🌹