A lot can happen in 14 years.

Posted on by Samantha J Rose

It’s December 13th! My unbirthday! I made it, and in my new favorite sweater. I’ve managed to make it 14 years now. 14 years!

A lot can happen in 14 years.

That’s what’s been going through my head today. 

Every time I talk about this, I get really uncomfortable. My thoughts get jumbled and I have a hard time putting words to what I’m feeling. I feel like I’m exposing a nerve—or several. But I’m doing it because I really, *really* want you to know… 

A lot can happen in 14 years. 

In 14 years, Paul and I trespassed an abandoned water park and had a picnic in a sun-faded swimming pool. 

We saw The Nightmare Before Christmas live and—by chance—met the wonderful, amazing Catherine O’Hara. 

I manifested a Jack Skellington animatronic that is now a part of our family and will live in our living room forever. 

I went back to school.

I had another baby—my tiny coauthor—which I thought was impossible.

I became a published author, which was a dream I’d had since I was a tiny little girl—a dream I had decided was impossible.

I ran two half marathons, which I thought was impossible.

And this year, I went to Europe with my family, the crowning event being able to visit La Sagrada Familia, something I’ve wanted to do since I was a teen. I laid on the floor and took a picture of the ceiling… which is something I thought I would NEVER, ever get to do. I thought it was impossible.

All of this almost never happened. 14 years ago today, I was just done with life. I had a solid plan for tapping out, and I had begun the prep process. A miracle stopped me in my tracks, and, to my crushing disappointment at the time, I knew I needed to take a different path.

The impossible almost truly became impossible… because I was going to give a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

My temporary problem was that I was overwhelmed with grief and emotional anguish, something not everyone fully understands. It still comes and goes, because the source is not gone. I am still broken. I still have severe PTSD. But when the overwhelming pain rises again, I know I just need to remind myself…

A lot can happen in 14 years.

Sometimes, it feels like being trapped in a massive, dark room. Objects are distorted in the darkness. Shadows are endless. But even just a small candle can help me see enough to make it through the night. A candle can help me make it forward one more step, and over obstacles. That little light can help me see a goal to move towards until I can find the door. “I can make it to that table.” “I can make it to that wardrobe.” “I can make it to that pile of unfolded laundry.”

If you find yourself in a dark room, please know you have friends with you there, even if you can’t see them. I just wanted to try to sit with you there, even for just a moment, and let you know I understand. I want you to know that there’s hope. Please, set those little goals for yourself, so you can move forward. Just one little step. If tomorrow seems too overwhelming and far away, just make it to tonight. Make a goal to numb out to your all-time favorite movie. 

Make little goals that will move you towards an impossible dream, because impossible things become possible through those little steps. It doesn’t matter how slowly you move towards them, just that you’re moving. 

And please know, you are loved. You are loved more than you know. You are not alone. And you are stronger than you think. 

Please don’t give up. Please.

A lot can happen in 14 years.